Am I Doing This Right?

Happy Monday, folks. Apologies for my unexplained absence over the past two weeks. Since the last time we talked, I moved to college in New York, survived orientation, started classes, met hundreds of new people…suffice to say, a lot has gone down. I’ll be posting pretty sporadically over the next several weeks, but rest assured I’ll pop in every now and then to update you guys on what I’m doing, what’s inspiring me, what’s on my mind, etc. As always, I’m so grateful to have my little corner of the Internet along for this next wild ride.

When I first sat down to write this post, I was tempted to do a breezy “life update”-style thing, telling you all about how I decorated my dorm room, my roommate, pictures of the sun shining on campus, you know the drill. To be completely frank, however, I don’t really have that in me. Don’t get me wrong: I’m happy. It took time (read: is still taking time) to adjust to college, but I am thrilled to be here. I have friends, activities, classes…it’s like I’m building a new life from the ground up, and it’s fun and terrifying all at once. And I’m happy.

But it’s the “being happy” thing that’s really screwing me up. Because I don’t know if I should be.

Now, hear me out. In high school, as much as I felt like a top spinning out of control, I had a pretty solid foundation. My classes were mostly chosen for me, I knew everyone in my class, I had the option to try new things and stay in my comfort zone as needed. Life was a straight-shot highway, and while I wasn’t cruising, I was driving pretty darn fast.

Then I got to college, and the potholes appeared. And the traffic lights, the ten-car pile-ups, the slippery turns, the roadwork. I suddenly had to slow down, and take in everything around me. That life that I’m thrilled to be creating for myself? All that possibility stares me in the face 24/7, and that kinda goes to your head. No one is telling me which classes to take— did I chose the right ones? I have to make new friends— should I go out all the time, or is okay to be alone sometimes? I have a lot of homework— how do I prioritize studying versus wellness and socializing? All of these questions lead to inevitable choices, and every choice leads to the voice in my head asking Am I doing this right?

I keep trying to remind myself that there is nothing to do “wrong.” Whatever class I take this semester, it won’t ruin my chances of graduating on time. Which clubs I join won’t determine my fate on campus the next four years. Who I have lunch with one day doesn’t mean that I can’t also be friends with like 50 other people. But remember all this— on top of my schedule, homework, events, and trying to figure out how my meal plan works— is hard. Which, I guess, is the moral of the story: College is hard. Life is hard. In my experience, though, the hard things are often the awesome things, too. It’s just a matter of thinking that way.

xx

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