Change, Non-Refundable

Do you guys remember my post from last March, in which I waxed poetic about me desire for change? I can’t remember where I was when I wrote those words, but I do recall all the talk about getting out of my comfort zone, as well as the Vincent van Gogh quote I threw in for good measure. (If you need to refresh your memory on all this, you can find the original here.)

Now, the reason I’m harkening back to a post from what feels like a lifetime ago isn’t because my outlook on change has, well, changed. Rather, I’d say I’m even more eager for new experiences today than I was fourteen months ago. But, here’s the thing: Whenever I’ve shook things up by, say, attending a conference where I didn’t know anyone, or going on a weekend trip with my school, it’s always been on my terms. My choice, my timing, my decision to make the best of it or run for the hills. And while I believe that every step outside the comfort zone is a giant leap for one’s soul, I can’t ignore the fact that I’ve rarely had to confront changes that weren’t of my own making.

Last Friday was my last day of high school classes. I do not graduate for another three weeks, but the curtain is pretty much closed on my secondary education. That reality brings up a lot of different feelings: I’m beyond relieved to be done with exams, excited to start my internship, as well as nostalgic about leaving the school I attended for six years. One feeling I’m surprised by, however, is fear. I’m afraid, because in a few months I’m moving into a dorm with new people, on a new campus, and starting a new life. Even for me, that’s a lot of change. And, for once, it’s not “my choice.” Regardless of whether I was headed to college, staying home, or taking a gap year, there’s a major life transition up ahead. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

Re-reading the above, I feel as if I should interject and let everyone know that I’m not dreading college- I’m still counting down the days to move-in, and stalking the course catalogue like crazy. But I do think it’s important to be honest about how, even when those around us might expect us to be over the moon, doubt and second-guessing still creep in. Especially now that we can FaceTune and VSCO the heck out of everything on social media, it’s become my goal to promote authentic reflections on “#lyfe,” starting here on A Style Study.

So that’s kinda where I’m at right now: Relieved, excited, nervous, fearful…it’s all in there. And it’s probably here to stay, at least for a while. I’m ready to see where this new chapter- the epilogue, if you will, to the next four years of my life- leads. Hopefully, everyone here is cool with being along for the ride… 🙂

As usual, thanks for tuning in for today’s reflection/ramble (refamble?). Now that exams are over, I’m moving back to more than one post per week, so be sure to check in again for more fresh content!

xx

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