If I was trying to stay on-theme, I’d kick off this month’s manifestations post with a hearty “I can’t believe it’s already September!” Honesty, however, always trumps consistency in my book, so instead I’m preaching the opposite: August was one long month. Over the course of the last few weeks, my life did a complete 180. I ended my summer jobs, “moved” back home, and started practices with my school tennis team. At the same time that I was saying goodbye to friends and family who are off to college, I was getting to know some of the freshmen who are joining my school community this fall. As if that juxtaposition wasn’t enough, I was also balancing thinking about the future (college) while focusing on what’s important to me in the present (school, blogging). Eager to take advantage of my last days of freedom, I even found some time to get sick, which gave me three days of napping, television watching, and pretzels.
In between all of this, I continued to work on my August manifestation to “find what feels good.” For the most part, I’m happy with how things went. After a crazy summer, I’m starting to feel more like myself both physically and mentally. I’m happy to be back in my regular home routine, and to have access to the Whole Foods a few miles away (I wish I was kidding). I’m feeling pretty good, as far as things go, so you’d think I’d have a pretty calm, balanced outlook about the month(s) ahead, right?
I should probably rewind and mention that, by the time you’re reading this, I will be back at school after three months of summer vacation. No classes on the first day, just ceremonies and meetings for “convocation,” or the official opening of the new school year. Sitting here, writing this post, I have a pretty good idea of how I’ll be feeling when I pull up on campus: Reluctant, anxious, terrified.
It’s not that I don’t like school. Actually, I’d be willing to bet that I like it more than most people my age. The problem is that I don’t feel like I’m walking to the guillotine rather than the first day of school. Give me five seconds, and I could list for you all the responsibilities already on my plate: Senior year. Classes. New teachers. Club leadership. Tennis. Writing. College…stuff. This is by far my busiest fall yet, and the truth is that I’m not so confident I can handle it.
It was this feeling- this paralyzed, deer-in-headlights sensation thats plagued me since August 1st- that inspired my September manifestation. This month, I’m vowing to trust. Trust myself, trust the people around me, and trust the universe. Trust that things will work out the way they are supposed to, even if the end result does not align with my own vision. Trust that, even those instances, I am on the right path and the world is not ending. Trust that, in fact, it is only just beginning.
What are your feelings towards September?